im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
whose parrot is this?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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