After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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