I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
