grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
