winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
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