the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
never play flip cup with pint glasses
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
