I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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