She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
