I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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