Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
