I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
