Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
