I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
