she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
