i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
