It's like God shit irony all over that family
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
