well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
