grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
