I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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