I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
