Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
