he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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