We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
