Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
