I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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