you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
