My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
