I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
