Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
