Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
