I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
