By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
