I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
the day after is always just damage control
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Randomize
