So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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