Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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