Define "chronic" masturbator.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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