Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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