He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
