We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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