were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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