Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
