He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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