I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
