i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just blew my weed a kiss
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
