He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
