I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
