so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
