Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
