Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
