We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
