i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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