youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
