Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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