I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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