if you like me you must not know who I am
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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