When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
