I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
